That little voice in my head..

..is not my conscience. When I am merging on 405-S at 60 mph, or racing across lanes to the Seattle Center exit on I5-S, it is an annoyed lttile voice saying “So what if that lane is moving too fast!!!!?? … at least begin to indicate to communicate your intention to change lanes“. Its been so many years, I wonder, why I am still a chicken.. My knuckles tighten on the wheel. I latch on to the voice – take a deep breath – turn on the indicator…

At other times – the voice in my head is from a long time ago from a place far away. I am sitting across a hostel bed – the voice sounds passionately reasonable and is making a lot of sense. I am straining to hear, but can only see a lot of gestures, no words. Its been too long and I have drifted too far.. I can catch bits of it – “for christ’s sake yaaaaar….” ..and then a cup of friendly warm pours in and grounds me.

Then there are times when the voice is shouting from the back of my motorbike over the chilly air and carbon monoxide fumes. I maneuver through the chaotic traffic, and turn my head responding in monosyllables sensing the city grime through my flimsy bandit cloth mask. I am irritated at the disconnected conversation, more so because I am quietly resigned to the broken dialogue with my bikeless codependent co-passenger who has earned herself a pent up rant about the overratedness of education, to pass the time on the long hungry ride to Marz-o-rin.

Or the times when the voice comes from a quiet apartment on a blazing hot summer.. bouncing reason off the tiled floor. I hear a steady gaze in deep thought, followed by a very explicit long-lashed blink and a shake of the head – accompanied by a tsk. I haven’t asked the question yet – but the answer is clear.

Then there are times when my mind disengages just enough between frantic errands and a constant whirlpool of never-ending whatnots to send a distress call- and there’s a little voice in my head from far away Edinburgh or far away China saying that everything is going to be o-kay!
I lean back, check my blind spot and glide across to the right lane.